My name is Z. Allora and I want to thank the sexy ladies of Coffee & Porn In The Morning for allowing me space to ramble.
I think coping mechanisms can be both good and bad. They help people deal and function when under stress. People who are anxious tend to implement a ton of them. However, it’s important to remember that a coping mechanism is really symptom of a core issue that needs resolution. Therapists tend to encourage people to find the root cause and deal with it directly. Coping mechanisms can mask that there is an issue that needs to be addressed.
However, we all use coping mechanisms on a daily basis to get through the day. Some are healthy like counting to ten before ripping someone’s arms off and beating them in the head with it. Some are unhealthy like eating sugar when we are stressed.
One of my characters uses a bit of cross-dressing to deal the effects of a traumatic incident that happened years before. Usually it is just a scrap of silk here or a gender-neutral shirt there. But when faced with something that could possibly give him flashbacks to that horrible night in his past, he decides he needs a crutch to do exactly what he wanted to do. He acknowledged that cross-dressing wasn’t helping him progress further in his healing but at that point he didn’t give a damn. He gave himself a break and utilized his coping tool of choice. I think we all need to be kind to ourselves on occasion.
Here’s one of the most extensive laundry list of coping mechanisms I have ever seen. How many do you rely on to get through your day?
- Acting out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
- Adaptation: The human ability to adapt.
- Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
- Altruism: Helping others to help self.
- Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
- Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
- Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
- Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
- Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
- Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
- Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
- Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
- Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
- Emotionality: Outbursts and extreme emotion.
- Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
- Help-rejecting complaining: Ask for help then reject it.
- Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
- Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
- Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
- Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
- Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
- Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
- Post-traumatic growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
- Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
- Provocation: Get others to act so you can retaliate.
- Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
- Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
- Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
- Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
- Self-harming: physically damaging the body.
- Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
- Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
- Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
- Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
- Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
- Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.
- Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer. (1)
I have used ten… and that was before breakfast! But my favorite coping mechanism is fantasy. Escaping reality is a favorite of mine and I truly believe it has kept me relativity sane. It’s why I read and write and come to sites like this one.
What’s your favorite? Are coping mechanisms good or bad?
If you are interested in reading more about how my character uses cross-dressing and what is he using it for…
http://www.mlrbooks.com/ShowBook.php?book=ZAFALLEN
For a chance to win a free PDF, leave me a comment & the fabulous duo here will use their magic to pick a winner.
Big Hugs,
Z.Allora
Footnotes:
(1) http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/coping.htm
Heidi Cullinan
Evaine
Marie Sexton
Shawny
Really interesting list! Would love to win
Fabulous laundry list! You’ve just made my whites brighter.
I’m currently working through a text where I’m just not buying the protagonists motivation, so I’m definitely going to direct the writer here, see if we can’t make the character more three-dimensional.
As for my favourite on the list… hmmm. Altruism? I’ve just offered the use of my house and feeding up of a friend while she works on her monograph – the ‘help self’ comes through her presence – it puts me to work, rather than engage with my usual avoidance tactics, because I’m in ‘public’.
nice… altruism is a good one! and you are a very good friend!
hugs, z.
Please count me in!
I think coping mechanisms can be both good and bad. It really depends on if it helps you cope or keeps you in a cycle that you need to break out of.
very true!
hugs, z.
i hit at least 8 on your long list there and like you said, all before breakfast. lol Very nice article, Z!! Oh, and LOVE your Dark Angels. Hugs!!
awesome!
i was surprised how many i did to just get to the first meal of the day! sad and amusing.
hugs, z.
loved the list. Interesting that each of them can be seen as negative or positive depending on how they are perceived. Would love a chance to win.
definitely how they are perceived and implemented determines their good or evil status.
hugs, z.
Interesting list. 11 impossible things before breakfast? lol. Also looks to be an awesome book!
thank you for the compliment and i will say i really like this one!!! i like all of them but i don’t know being able to write someone into dealing with his demons… felt liberating and cleansing! we all face so much ick in our lives… to see sometimes small changes can make huge differences…
hugs, z.
I think my strongest coping mechanism is my need to read; to escape all things unsavory or stressfull. I’m never as happy as when I have my nose in a book. Needless to say I read all the time. I’d love to win your book. It will keep me happy!
nice… slide that guilt right in there… reading is a true escape!!!!
hugs, z.
What an amazing list. I’ve always considered my coping mechanism is making light of a situation – most usually in the form of sarcasm – definitely one that some people have a hard time with. I’m not sure which of the list that might fall into.
The new book sounds awesome – really looking forward to checking it out. For some reason my work ‘pornography’ filter won’t let me access MLR so I’ll have to wait until I get home. Thank god it doesn’t keep me from the smexy goodness of Cup O’Porn. I can’t really figure out the randomness!!
Bobbejean
bobbejean@msn.com
i think your choice of coping can span several on the list depending on how your verbal spurt comes out… i am sure it comes out pithy and witty… and as long as you amuse yourself it’s awesome!
odd how the filters work… when i lived in china i could sometimes get this site sometimes not… xtube was okay but not youporn lolol… filters are a tad imperfect!
hugs, z.
Wow, what a list. I think we all have coping mechanisms, most we dont just realise as such. And we need to be careful that they dont become destructive. Sounds a good book too!
thank you i hope people think its a good book…
you’re 100% right we don’t realize how many we use on a daily basis…
hugs, z.
Wow! I can identify with several on the list (some I’m not so proud of) but we all cope in our own way, right
I’m looking forward to reading your book.
C
you’re right we need to cope in our own way so we are able to function…
i hope you like Finally Fallen…
hugs, z.
IThank coping mechanisms are fine as long as they are used in moderation! I looked at list and saw many that I personally do. The ones I use the most is Compartmentalismand Fantasy. I tend to break my life and experiences up into little boxes that don’t interact much. My personal and romantic life is nonexistent so I tend to read in order to experience love and effection. (Which is funny since I read MM and I am not a gay man!) Healthy? Maybe not but is effective! Please count me in for this giveaway, too!
wow – that’s an extensive list. And I know I’m guilty of plenty of them – some worse than others. Thank you; you’ve made me think – in a good way
I believe I might be the queen of denial and avoidance, just call me Cleo. The others were familiar as well. Somewhere out there there is probably a shrink with my name on him.
Very interesting post. I have used a lot of these coping mechanisms over the years. Unfortunately, acting out was one I engaged in during my late teens. What can I say? I was a rebel.
Luckily, I have outgrown that stage. I use coping mechanisms in a much more positive way now. 
I love your Dark Angels series. Can’t wait to read Finally Fallen!
Very interesting list! I do more of these than I thought
And I wouldn’t have thought altruism was a coping mechanism.
Not my favorite, but I have to admit the one I use most: Trivializing and Rationalizing
As for favorites, I guess cross-dressing, would make it high on the list. Or any form of acting out clotheswise
Would love to win. Thanks!
Cross-dressers are pretty rare in romantic fiction. Unless he/she is the wacky side-kick and fulfills a comedic role. I look forward to reading this to see how this character evolves throughout the story.