Today’s candy is from COP reader Kyle.
Kyle, btw, totally hits my sweet-spot on the gender line.
The next two pics come with commentary.
I can’t wear too tight fitting of clothes, or people pin me as female, yet I can’t stand anything baggy. I have to wear shorts most of the time, because men’s pants don’t fit me right. The waist is too big or too small, the pant legs are too long. I have to wear teens/boys underwear, otherwise they are too big as well. Don’t even get me started about even buying the actual clothes. What if people realize that I’m biologically female? Will they think of me strange for buying male clothes, male underwear? I can’t speak, I can’t let them hear my voice to give me away. I can’t make eye contact and see them looking at me. Maybe if I stop slouching so much–I slouch to cover up my breasts, to help my shirt drape over them. But today I’m wearing my binding shirt, so I should square my shoulders, to take up more space like the men do. But that’s not me, either. I don’t want to be masculine–I’m trans, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to fit into even that stereotype, right? I like being a bit feminine and flamboyant. I just wish being myself didn’t give me away so often, too.
The binding shirt. How flat do I look in it? I wish I was flat all the time, with out it, but things just don’t go my way. Last year, I wore my binding shirt too much and developed problems with my sternum. I found out I shouldn’t wear it more than nine hours a day, according to one source, and no more than twelve hours a day according to another source. If I wear it too much, I could really fuck myself up. I could screw up my ribs, be in pain, or have difficulty breathing. Sometimes my sternum aches if I wear it too many days in a row. I just wish I was flat, but that costs money I don’t have. I just want to go around with my shirt off, or wear a tank top and show some skin. That is my dream. Is that so hard? Why wasn’t I born this way?
(Never, EVER use ace bandages to bind! It is extremely bad for your chest. Do not use any sort of “home” binding method, either–back braces or anything of the like. Please only use something designed for binding. Underworks.com/ftm has very good, affordable binders. The tri-top binder is very good. If you can’t afford those either, please look into the Big Brothers Used Binder program. Smaller binder does not equal flatter chest! Don’t go too tight. Get the right size, or even a size bigger. It still works.)
Kyle, you’re gorgeous, and thanks for sharing. If I had a magic wand, I’d wave it and make it so you could walk around proud and flat without that binding shirt. I’d ogle, too. Just saying.
Heidi Cullinan
Evaine
Marie Sexton
Shawny
Kyle, you are gorgeous. Someday you will find your middle ground, the place that makes you comfortable. Small things have a way of growing to become mountains, it you find ways to overcome them you’ll have more energy to use on the things that really matters. Namely: you. Find someone who knows how to use a sewing machine, someone you trust, who can make alternations for you to make items like pants fit you better. I have helped my trans friends several times to make clothing fit better. Biological men have the same problems; nothing will fit of the rack. Walk proudly.
You’re right, you don’t need to fit a stereotype. You are who you are and embracing that makes you beautiful.
You talk about giving yourself away all the time, but the way people label you is colored more by who they are than by who you are. Sadly we have no power over how other people perceive us.
I for one (and this is heavily colored by who I am) am pretty envious of your slender boyish physique!
I *swear* I stumbled across a site in the last couple of weeks that specializes in the kind of sizing issues that trans* folks run into, but I can’t for the life of me find it now. Maybe someone else saw it, too, and has a better memory? (It would be hard to have a worse memory.)
Kyle, I hope you find a way to be yourself all the time, without having to worry about the people around you. Much love.
Beautiful. Thank you for posting! I wanna know what that stunning script tat says!
Me, too. And by the way, Kyle – you have gorgeous eyes!
lol thanks all O.o My tat… “I believe it’s time for me to be famous, and out of place. I believe it’s time for me to move forward, when I break through. This time I’ll make you proud to see me over, come on Daylight, I’ll make you proud of who you raised.” From a song called Second & Sebring by Of Mice & Men (a bit screamo)… but yeah just moved into college the other day, not passing so well, but that’s because I’m not trying with my voice lol
they can figure it out when I start T and my voice lowers, among other fun things… heheh. lol
Oh, the last line (“Daylight”) is stunning! Thanks for sharing the song-poem.
Best wishes for college.
Thank you for sharing.
Pingback: Transcandy | Coffee and Porn in the Morning