The Penis Cake – My Baking Misadventure
So I was helping my aunt out with putting Christmas stuff away one day in January and while in the attic, what did we find? A penis pan. She offered it to me because she couldn’t imagine an instance where she’d need it, and thinking evil thoughts, I took it.
How I managed to hide it from the hubby, I’ll never know, because it’s not a small pan. Valentine’s Day was coming up, and we don’t normally do anything, so I figured I’d surprise him with cake. A very special cake *grin*.
Now, I’m not a baker. I’m not really a good cook in any form except for maybe Macaroni and Cheese. So I follow the directions for the pan and the mix, and even remembered the trick with the toothpick to know when it was done in the middle.
A friend of ours rents a room from us, so I somehow got both men to stay out of the kitchen for the day, promising they’d get a yummy treat in the end if they’d just leave it alone and not peek.
So dodging any stray glances and blocking the oven, I began to prepare for the frosting stage. Why did this need preparation? Because I wasn’t witty enough to think of getting pink frosting before buying the white. So taking some red food coloring I went to put a few drops in my bowl of frosting, and ended up pouring a bunch in *head slap*. My mother-in-law was in on this because I kept texting her for tips on the baking and frosting etc.
She’s also the one who gave me the idea of pink frosting, and when I lacked it, the red food coloring. She’d warned me about being gentle with the dropper. Sigh. So I mixed as best I could, hoping it wouldn’t turn out straight red and end up looking more like a bloody penis, cause ack!
A miracle occurred and it turned out a very nice shade of pink. So now, all I had to worry about was the baking. When it was finally done, I took it out, let it cool a bit, again still making sure no men stepped anywhere near the kitchen. It cooled quite a bit, and I went to dump it out of the pan…one miracle was enough for the day apparently. Parts came out while others didn’t, so I put everything back in the pan as neatly as I could, and frosted it where it sat, making it as thick as possible *snort* to cover the break lines. Then I called the hubby in first.
When he saw it, his eyes got real big and just stared at it in disbelief, while I on the other hand tried to keep a straight face. He asked why I frosted it still in the pan and I couldn’t fight the laughter back anymore when I told him, “because when I tried to flip the pan over, only the balls came out.”
He flinched a bit at that and called our friend up. He just looked at it and said real slowly, “it’s a…penis cake.” Their WTF looks made my day. I walked away saying “Happy Valentine’s Day” thinking that’d be the end of it.
They called me back in and handed me a knife…they couldn’t bear to cut into it LOL. In the end they finally laughed about it, and the cake was big enough it actually managed to last us a week, which is impressive in our household!
Anyone else made any fun shaped baked goodies?
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Heidi Cullinan
Evaine
Marie Sexton
Shawny
I can just imagine the expressions on their faces. Priceless.
Thank you for the laugh.
And I’m not much of a cook either, so I’ve not made any fun shaped goodies. LOL
Pam
I have a useful trick for backing sweets: after coating the inside of the pan with butter or cooking spray (I prefer butter), as all recipes tell you, also dust it with sugar. Simply dump some sugar in the pan, shake it around till it coats the bottom and sides, and shake out the excess. I guarantee your cake won’t stick. When baking something where sugar is not right, use flour.
I cannot say I’ve made a penis cake (or any other weirdly shaped cake) but YOUR story is hilarious! I will mention that when my boss’s wife was fixing to have a baby last January, we had a little shower for him and one of the girls in the office made cake balls, which are awesome by the way. Since it was going to be a boy, she colored the almond bark blue. I wish I could say that we had too much class to mention the “Blue Balls” but I’d be lying. We pretty much said it every chance we got. :O)
I made a penis cake for a bachelorette party the old fashioned way (i.e. before there were penis shaped cake pans) This involves making a sponge cake roll, and yes it had cream cheese frosting inside. The head of the penis was a sideways cupcake and the balls were done using a small stainless steel mixing bowl to bake the batter. When frosted, I used a piping bag to make those tiny little pubic hairs. Of course by the time the cake came out, the bride to be had consumed more than a few adult type beverages in the form of tequila shots. So when she saw the cake she decided she was going to eat the head of the penis so she could tell hubby to be that she’d deep throated his penis. Then she did a face plant into the cake.
This story is just what I needed today. I couldn’t stop laughing. This too has happened to me before except it wasn’t funny, maybe if I had a penis pan it would have been.
I think you forgot to lube the pan and remove it while still somewhat warm and rigid. “wink wink”
**Snort**
Very good, different not sure I agree but glad I found this site. I have just arrived in the England. My name, Anuta is identical in English and Czech. I am a bit bored so I am googling the net; making cakes and doing Zumba classes to make new acquaintances in UK.
http://www.whatuate.com/cat/3-lunch/articles/13
I had an ice cube tray that had the shapes of boobs & penises. Not as dramatic as an enormous penis cake tho’ lol
I made a similar cake experience, where I made the penis cake (from the same pan you have, I borrowed it
as an inside joke for some friends. Some of the guys went wide-eyed and couldn’t cut the cake either!
But when I made a boob cake (with jello jigglers for effect), the gals had no issue digging in!
Laughing hysterically as I read this post…
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